


May the First Not Be the Last

by shadowshrike



Series: Subjugation and Restraint [2]
Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Angst, Dirty Talk, First Time, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Nohr | Conquest Route
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-22
Updated: 2016-06-22
Packaged: 2018-07-16 17:02:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7276417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowshrike/pseuds/shadowshrike
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With Saizo dead at Kaze's hand and Corrin too distraught from watching Ryoma die to care for his retainer properly, Xander steps in to lend his friend a hand. Unfortunately, duty to king and country make that more complicated than it should be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	May the First Not Be the Last

**Author's Note:**

> This is an immediate follow up to [this drabble on Tumblr](http://shadowshrike.tumblr.com/post/145963071086/the-aftermath-of-the-battle-against-ryoma-and-his), separated because I'm trying to keep my main writing for that path sfw. It's part of a series exploring the complex issues faced in the Conquest path, and I hope to cross post the lot of them once I have enough in chronological order.
> 
> Also, to reiterate the tag because it's important - like everything else in Conquest, this is rather sad. Consider yourself warned.

To Xander, the decision to sleep with Kaze was hardly worth noting. Given the number of times they had kissed when the strain of their collective duties became too much to bear alone, it only stood to reason that once Kaze’s worst nightmares came to fruition, Xander would be there to help him cope. A one-night stand to take Kaze’s mind off of things hardly seemed like an absurd request, despite their disparate social stations. In fact, Xander eagerly anticipated sharing a bed with someone he trusted. 

(It didn’t hurt that Kaze was easy on the eyes, either.)

However, for a lowly ninja, being invited to the bed of a crown prince was a momentous occasion. Xander pulled back in surprise when he felt tremors running through Kaze as they kissed the same as they had dozens of times before.

“Are you alright?” Xander wondered aloud, brow furrowing while he studied nervous purple eyes. “If you’re uncomfortable, we don’t have to do this.”

“I’m fine,” Kaze answered. “This is simply new.”

His voice remained more steady than his body under the prince’s hands, which continued to quake with anticipation. Feelings notwithstanding, Kaze’s steely, violet gaze urged Xander to trust in the other’s judgement. It was the same look he held when they pitted Siegfried against shuriken: confident and focused despite the odds stacked heavily against him.

_ Perhaps he trembles then, too. Have I ever looked close enough to know? _

Shaking off the unwanted distraction, Xander took Kaze at his word and pulled the ninja in for another kiss, slow and heated. Kaze’s answering gasp was nothing but a puff of air, lost completely in Xander’s waiting mouth. The prince took that as permission to deepen their embrace, pressing an insistent tongue past Kaze’s lips and tangling them together in a way that sent a shock of heat straight to his groin. This was new - deep, languid kisses that promised more, purposefully building in intensity. Kaze remained utterly silent through it all save the indecent wetness of their their lips meeting.

To be expected from a ninja, he supposed. But if Kaze wasn’t going to make noise, Xander would need to find another way to make sure he was aroused as well. With one hand still tangled in Kaze’s hair, keeping their kisses open-mouthed and passionate, the other snaked down to gently fondle Kaze through his loose-fitting pants.

“Ungh...!” came the immediate whimper, Kaze’s whole body shivering violently at that simple touch.

Xander couldn’t stop his smirk, “So you truly haven’t been touched like this.”

He groped Kaze more firmly, rubbing the already hardening shaft through two layers of fabric. Kaze bit his lip and flushed, trying to regain his composure, “Of course not, Lord Xander. I would never lie to you.”

Predatory and protective urges fought for control in Xander’s chest, leaving him breathless. The thought of being Kaze’s first shot a blaze of lust through his veins, but Kaze’s emotional turmoil and inexperience demanded caution. Xander may not have had much practice at comforting others, but he knew charging in too recklessly could prove disastrous. Despite Kaze’s mental and physical fortitude, it would behoove them both for Xander to be gentle.

Tenderness may have been a skill long-since beaten out of him by his father, but Xander hoped he could find it again tonight.

“No, I know you wouldn’t,” Xander replied easily. The hand tangled in Kaze’s hair plucked his silver circlet from his forehead, letting messy locks fall attractively around his delicate Hoshidan features. Xander ran a thumb over flushed cheeks, pushing a few strands out of the way. “There we are. Come, we should both get more comfortable.”

The prince beckoned towards his bed, then turned and stripped off his shirt, enjoying the stretch of stiff shoulders and arms as he reached over his head. When he heard no sound behind him (which, truthfully, meant very little where Kaze was concerned), Xander glanced back to see his partner staring, shellshocked. He carefully swallowed a self-satisfied chuckle, not wanting Kaze to misinterpret his pride at being ogled for mocking the other’s inexperience.

As lightly as he could, Xander asked, “Are you going to join me?”

The question seemed to snap Kaze out of whatever thoughts distracted him. He began to move again, haltingly removing his own clothing.

“Ah, yes,” he mumbled. “My apologies. You’re just...” He coughed quietly. “It’s an honor to share a bed with someone as regal as yourself.” 

“Mm. I personally think you may outshine even me,” Xander hummed in response, letting his eyes rove over pale skin that few others had witnessed as Kaze stripped down. 

Even the healers had never seen the ninja’s lithe body bared like this, easily as attractive as the handsome face which sent hordes of women flocking to his side. Although his usual attire showed off his chest, Kaze was viciously private when it came to things like touch. Xander couldn’t wait to see how sensitive he must be in all those meticulously hidden places.

As soon as Kaze stepped out of his smallclothes, revealing a highly interested erection although he flushed with embarrassment, Xander tugged him down onto the bed and carefully rolled Kaze onto his back. This would be easiest if he simply allowed Kaze to enjoy the ride. Ever so gently, he peppered kisses down from Kaze’s lips, pausing at his neck when Kaze lurched at the unfamiliar sensation.

“Do you like that?” Xander murmured against his skin, placing firmer kisses where he could feel the ninja’s heartbeat quicken under his lips.

“It’s…nice.”

This time Xander did laugh and slid a hand down between Kaze’s bare thighs, enjoying the way his body jittered at the feathery touches against scars and muscle along the way. He found Kaze’s cock leaking despite their nearly non-existent foreplay, readily overstimulated by the intimacy of Xander’s presence. The ninja rocked his hips into Xander’s sword-worn hand only once before catching himself.

Kaze wanted him. Badly.

That discovery nearly punched the breath from Xander’s lungs. He was expecting this to be quick, but he’d never had someone this eager for his touch. It was exhilarating, to say the least. 

“I would say it’s more than nice with how wet you are,” Xander purred, stroking the precum lightly down Kaze’s shaft. He shifted up for a moment to breathe in Kaze’s ear, “I will ask you again - do you like that?”

“I...Yes, it’s...Ahhh!” a raw moan tore from Kaze as Xander suddenly suckled at the tender skin at the base of his neck. His hips snapped up into Xander’s waiting hand, unexpectedly spilling cum hot and wet over them both. Immediately, Kaze began to apologize.

“I’m so sorry, Lord Xander, I didn’t mean to...It was just so overwhelming, I…”

“Do not trouble yourself,” Xander interrupted with an understanding smile. He snatched a cloth from the bedstand and briskly wiped them both off. “The first time is always fast.”

“Please, allow me to make it up to you,” Kaze requested. He rolled over to place still shaky hands against the waistband of Xander’s trousers. “You deserve release as well for your kindness. I don’t have the skill to pleasure you myself but…” His eyes dropped and he bit his lip bashfully. “Maybe you could take your pleasure from me?”

Xander covered Kaze’s hands with his own larger, composed ones. “I would gladly, but only if you’re certain that’s what you want. I would hate to hurt you.”

He tried not to think of the death sentence at his hand looming over Kaze’s head.

Kaze didn’t hesitate, “I am certain. I want you. Please, tell me what I need to do.”

The fierce determination in the ninja’s eyes brought a fond twist to Xander’s lips. “Just lay back and relax. Let me handle our satisfaction tonight.”

Although Xander hadn’t had any drive to take a lover during the war (much to the aggravation of a few insistent suitors), he thankfully remained prepared for such an occasion. Easing Kaze onto his back again, Xander shimmied off his pants and opened the vial of pleasant-smelling oil he had purchased some time ago for such an occasion. He poured a generous amount into his palm, then let one hand run over Kaze’s taut abs and chest, while the other began to tease along his crack. 

The two shared a few lulling, familiar kisses until Kaze was pliant and calm in Xander’s hands, so he could begin. As much as he wanted to explore Kaze’s body more thoroughly, staying relaxed was more important right now. 

“This will feel strange at first, but it shouldn’t be painful,” Xander warned. “Tell me if it hurts.”

Kaze sighed contentedly as one of Xander’s thumbs brushed over his nipple while the other teased at his entrance, but managed a nod acknowledging Xander’s order.

Satisfied, Xander worked his fingers in one at a time, stroking and scissoring conscientiously while studying Kaze’s expression for any signs of discomfort. All he found was half-lidded eyes and a faint smile, lost in the sensations of being cared for. It seemed the first orgasm had taken the edge off for Kaze, allowing the ninja to sink readily into the wandering hands that had plucked his nerves like tightly wound strings only moments ago. Where he had been silent before, the slick slide of Xander’s fingers pushed quiet sighs of bliss from Kaze, almost swelling to a proper moan when he twisted them just so.

“I think I’ve got you ready,” Xander informed Kaze after the session had dragged on long enough to see the ninja beginning to harden again from all the attention.

“Please...I want you inside me, Lord Xander,” Kaze rambled softly, inhibitions gone from the constant gratification of his drawn out prep. “I  _ need _ you. I need you just once before…”

Xander shushed him before he could finish that thought. The prince took a breath to moderate his own heartbeat - hearing Kaze beg for him by name like that sent a surge of hunger through him that would prove too violent for his partner should he act on it. He needed to stay collected.

“Relax. This may be a bit uncomfortable,” he informed Kaze, rubbing soothing circles on one thigh while he positioned himself. With agonizing slowness, Xander pushed in. His eyes fell shut as he listened to Kaze carry on about how much he wanted.

“Y--yes...please...at last. It feels amazing to be spread open by you. Please, more!”

Xander shook with the effort of not burying himself in a single stroke at the repeated pleading. He wasn’t sure if Kaze was simply so used to pain that the stretch didn’t register, or if he was so turned on that he felt nothing but pleasure, but having a virgin begging to be taken underneath him was hotter than any wild fantasy Xander could have dreamed up. That the virgin in question was someone he cared about deeply only made it harder to remain disciplined.

“Lord Xander!” Kaze mewled as they neared the end of Xander’s careful entry, writhing underneath him in an attempt to push back against the dick splitting him wide.

That was all Xander could take. He thrust the last couple inches in a single go, enjoying the lewd gasp it drew from Kaze, and picked up a pace more rough than he’d originally intended. That final push also sent Kaze babbling in a rapturous tirade of heart wrenching honesty so unlike the reserved ninja that it almost shocked Xander back to a halt. 

It seemed Kaze’s emotional dam, staunchly boarded up to repress his darkest fears and desires, could not hold through the euphoria of having sex and the anguish of the day’s events. Having nothing left to lose had finally loosened Kaze’s ever-cautious tongue to a state of unsettling candor. 

“Oh Gods, thank you, thank you!” he whimpered, inner walls quivering against Xander’s repeated intrusions. “I’ve wanted you for so long, but what hope did someone like me have in winning the heart of a man like you? Ever since you told King Garon I was your Hoshidan toy, a spoil of war, I couldn’t stop thinking about this. About having you take me, though I didn’t know what it would mean. Having you inside me like this...It’s heaven.”

Even as the heady sensation of being treasured so ferociously drove his passion higher, leaden guilt sank to the pit of Xander’s stomach. He knew it with dreaded certainty now: he was taking advantage of a man lost in despair. The ninja clearly adored the prince, loved him even, and craved to cement that bond before he faced the nightmares tomorrow’s dawn would bring.

But Xander didn’t reciprocate Kaze’s feelings. He  _ couldn’t _ . 

He also couldn’t bear to tell someone so dear to him, so vulnerable and in need of solace, that what they shared was merely a friendship that ran deep from the horrors of war. That this was meant as a comfort, nothing more.

_ Yes, nothing more than friendship caused you to have dinner specially made for him tonight despite the army’s devastated resources. A friendship inspired you to steal countless kisses while you both slaved over details of the Hoshidan invasion together. A simple, chaste friendship is why when you lied to your father, it felt so natural to say the two of you shared a bed. And a friendship is why you’re struggling to be gentle right now when you hear him calling your name. _

Kaze’s hands desperately clutched at Xander’s back. His quaking voice begged for more as his body suplicated itself in an intoxicating mix of saintly devotion and sinful worship. The prayers and curses falling from usually silent lips caused the crown prince’s rhythm to falter.

_ Stop lying to yourself. _

“If I could make love to you every night like this, I would,” Xander admitted quietly, that startling revelation crumbling the walls he had so carefully built between them. “You are the best man I have ever known. I want you to indulge in every pleasure you can tonight.”

He pulled back to meet Kaze’s hazy gaze with his own smouldering one.

“Let go,” Xander demanded, though of whom, he wasn’t sure. 

Xander shifted his angle just slightly, and when Kaze let out a sharp, surprised groan, he knew he had hit his mark. With ruthless precision he pistoned against that sweet spot, reveling in the aborted whimpers and moans that followed each thrust. That tight heat and trembling voice combined with the sudden certainty that he wanted Kaze as much as Kaze wanted him was too much stimulation for Xander to practice restraint much longer. Kaze’s hand flew to his mouth in an attempt to hide his helplessly aroused sounds, and Xander gently pinned it to the bed above the ninja’s head.

“I want to hear you,” Xander whispered, his own voice no more than a raspy pant. He barely registered the filthy words as they poured from his mouth, control shattered. “I want to hear what I do to you. How good it feels to have me inside you, stretching you. I want to feel you come on my cock, and I want to fill you completely as I fuck you through every moment of it. I want you to be  _ mine _ body and soul.”

Kaze half-sobbed his assent, too overwhelmed by the verbal and physical onslaught to speak.

Xander chuckled darkly, “Always so obedient. What if I asked to take your mouth instead? To gag you with my dick and paint that beautiful face with my cum? Would you let me?”

“Y--Yes…!” Kaze howled, hips frantically grinding against Xander’s.

“And if I want you to stuff  _ me _ with your prick instead?” Xander hissed as his thrusts turned sharper, mind lost to the realm of fantasies too long suppressed. “Would you take the crown prince of Nohr on his knees? Make me yours and yours alone?” He barely stopped himself from asking if the Hoshidan ninja would seek vengeance for his homeland, punishing Xander for his countless sins by mercilessly reaming his ass.

“Anything...anything you want,” Kaze whined. He likely didn’t even know what he was agreeing to anymore, if the way his eyes watered and jaw hung slack in delirious bliss was any indication.

“My name,” Xander ordered.

“L-Lord Xander, please!”

“Polite...even when screaming...in ecstasy,” Xander marveled between breathless groans and gasps for air. He reached a hand down between them to take Kaze’s dick in his hand. “Very good. Now, Kaze...milk every last drop out of me.” He punctuated his words with firm strokes that shook them both to their core. “With that perfect...tight...hole of yours.”

With that encouragement, Kaze came for the second time that night, back arching off the bed and flexible legs twisting around Xander’s back to drive him as deep as he could go, pleading for Xander’s seed so he could do as the crown prince asked. The clench of his ass with every thick, white streak that painted Kaze’s chest proved too much for Xander. He held off long enough to work Kaze’s prostate through the aftershocks of his orgasm, but then lost it completely, thrusting in with enough force to bruise. They both let out an obscene, satisfied groan at the long-anticipated flood of warm, sticky liquid.

Once the daze of pleasure subsided slightly with his release, the reality of what he’d just done and said slammed into Xander full force.

“Oh Gods...Kaze,” he murmured, still trying to catch his breath as he pulled out. “I’m so sorry. That got out of hand. I didn’t intend…”

“Please, don’t apologize,” Kaze responded with a soft, disoriented smile. “It was intense…” He trailed off for a moment, still struggling to find his bearings. “...but I couldn’t have dreamed anything better. I know it was selfish of me to ask that of you. Thank you for humoring me.”

“I wasn’t humoring you. Not at the end,” Xander replied candidly as his breathing slowly calmed. “I think I love you, Kaze.”

Kaze met his eyes with a gentle, yet profoundly sad smile.

“I’m so sorry.”


End file.
